do you really care ..

George W Bush is not only one of the world dumbest leaders, but also one of the ugliest. His wife Laura is not what you would call a supermodel either. So when they had sex a long time ago they had an ugly daughter named Jenna. Jenna loves the beach and likes to change bikini every now and then. Thanks to the paparazzi we now know she doesn’t like to shave. Jenna 1, Jenna 2, Jenna 3, Jenna 4, Jenna 5 and Jenna 6.

Sanjeev is a works in a conveniance store, he’s bored as fuck. So, in order to get him to give you pringles you need to amuse him. Easy enough? Yeah, except Sanjeev is a fucking retarded moron, he doesn’t understand a word you’re saying.

When he grows up he wants to join the firebrigade....

What a bunch of fucking idiots. Here’s the gig. Get a ‘friend’ to put on a silly banana costume. Spray some lighter fluid on him and let him set himself on fire while you tape the whole episode and piss your pants from laughing too much. Until you figure out that your friend is actually on fire and that the water you are using to put out the burning banana is not doing its job. In a panic your banana tries to take his clothes off and in the process sets his hair on fire. Fucking banana flambé idiots. I hope it hurt. Bad.

These fuckers open a can of whoopass only to be beaten down by some overweight asian dude in a bad shirt, i love it!

Shooting games in which you cannot die, are always my favorite. You can just go on and on and on till you reach the end at level 234902.

We already knew that nowadays teenagers start having sex a lot sooner then a generation or two ago. Drug and alcohol are also commonplace. New to me is that teenagers seem to be so highstrung on drugs that they even have difficulty changing their facial expression at their own birthday party. Smile bitch your on Uncle Henrys camera!

A Muslim sheik told followers at a public meeting in Bankstown that women who were raped had incited men's lust by dressing immodestly and only had themselves to blame.

Sydney-born Sheik Faiz Mohamad, 34, a former boxer who teaches at the Global Islamic Youth Centre in Liverpool, made the comments during a lecture for more than 1000 people at Bankstown Town Hall.

"Strapless, backless, sleeveless, nothing but satanic skirts, slit skirts, translucent blouses, miniskirts, tight jeans: all this to tease man and appeal to his carnal nature."

And he is from Australia, not a Middle Eastern country where you rarely see some bare skin....

Did your mother always used to say: "never play with firework and never, never aim the firework at someone else?"
These guys didn't listen.

A 37-year-old policeman was shot dead with his own revolver after it was stolen from him by a motorist he pulled over in Melbourne's outer east early today.

Senior Constable Tony Clarke, from Knox Traffic Tasking Unit, was on routine patrol on the Warburton Highway at Launching Place when he pulled over a male driver about 1am (AEST) today.

Deputy Commissioner Bill Kelly said there was an altercation between the two and the driver wrestled the revolver from Senior Constable Clarke and fatally shot him in the upper body.

"Following that, the person ... had then taken the police car to another location 25 kilometres away from here and he has been at that scene for a very short time and has then obviously fired one shot and he is now deceased," Mr Kelly said.

A few days ago a helicopter was shot down over Iraq. Initial reports said that there were no survivors. And ultimately they were right. However, this gruesome video (should be a clue for you weak of stomach types) shows us that there was in fact one survivor of the crash, but those sorry-ass bandits decided it was a life not worth saving. To make up for it, if that is the correct term, we also have a video of one of the fuckers blowing himself up while pissing about with a weapon. Allah punishes straight away.

A teenager who tried to humiliate his ex-girlfriend on the Internet is facing some very serious charges.

The 16-year-old boy was in a relationship with a 15-year-old girl for about a year. They broke up last October.

Police say he got his hands on five nude pictures of her. Earlier this year, the boy was arrested and charged with Assault and Extortion relating to the girl.

Digital cameras are a big thing all over the world. Scandinavian countries are no exception. So you take your camera to all the parties you go to, take photographs of everything you see at those parties and you throw them on the interwebnet for everyone to see. The problem is, I am very sure that not everybody at those parties wants their pics online.

But here's a group of Norwegian teenagers doing a lot of stuff that is NSFW for sure and their pics ended up online as well.

From Star : Paris Hilton … has been talking babies with her new beau, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis! "[Hilton] is crazy about him and says she's sure he's the one," someone close to the hotel heiress tells a source. "She says she wants his baby and that he's so good-looking that she just knows they'd have beautiful kids."

Thanks to a weak gag-reflex, it took me like an hour to even read this story, but I think I got the gist of it : Paris is a whore who wants attention. Based on med school classes I never took, I would have thought the Jenga of STD’s that somehow keep her body upright should prevent her from having even recreational sex, so to think of her having sex with the sinister purpose of reproducing is pretty hard to stomach. Luckily there’s no chance of this happening, since I’m pretty sure freedom-fighters from the future would send a robot to kill her first.

A German inventor claims to have created the world's most sophisticated robot sex doll. The sex androids developed by aircraft mechanic Michael Harriman from Nuremberg have "hearts" that beat harder during sex.

They also breathe harder and have internal heaters to raise the body temperature - but their feet stay cold "just like in real life", according to Harriman.

He said: "They are almost impossible to distinguish from the real thing, but I am still developing improvements and I will only be happy when what I have is better than the real thing." The dolls are on offer for £4 000 each for the basic model, with extra charges for adaptations like extra large breasts.

Do you have plans for the weekend? If not, why don’t you give rich chick Paris Hilton a call. Here new cellphone number is 714 292 7033. If your going to call, don’t forget the US countrycode. If your going to take her out. Homemade Paris tapes are welcome

White smoke in the Vatican because there is a new pope! German cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has been chosen as the new pope for the next coming years. His name is Benedict XVI; I'm always wondering who is in charge of choosing the names of the pope.

Penelope Cruz is a Spanish hotty, used to date Hollywood midget Tom Cruise and has appeared in plenty of Hollywood films that I don’t care to remember. Her latest flame is one Matthew McConaughey. Penelope has already appeared topless in a Spanish film at the start of her career. I can’t remember the name, but it had something to do with jambon, i have never been one to pass up on celebrities spotted topless, nude or in compromising situation. Without firther delay; Penelope Cruz Topless on a beach.

Where would the world be without girls like these

I predict a great future for this blog.

A 41-year-old man is behind bars today after he told police he left photos of his genitals on the vehicles of up to 100 women in the East Valley, officials said.

Police arrested Jeffery Howard Pritchert, of Mesa, on Tuesday on suspicion of public display of explicit sexual materials, public sexual indecency, possession of dangerous drugs and drug paraphernalia, Mesa police Sgt. Chuck Trapani said.

Mesa police have been investigating at least 30 reports of photos left on the cars of women since 1999. Trapani said Mesa is working with Chandler and Gilbert police on possible additional cases.

Protest groups in front of a breast reduction clinic have been swelling in size in recent weeks. Hundreds of men who are "pro-breast" have been lining up with signs and banners decrying the elective surgery. They are challenging the recent court decision allowing a woman the right to choose to reduce the size of her breasts.

"I don't agree. This is an affront to Nature and to God," said one bearded man. "God intended the female breast to be large and fruitful. He never meant these bountiful fruits to be tampered with. Every time a woman desecrates her body in such a manner, men around the world cry out."

To me The Simpsons is one of the funniest TV shows. Ever. To stay that on the ball for over 15 years is amazing. I don’t know who your favorite character is and frankly I don’t care, but mine is Homer. He is the kind of guy you know you will grow into when you get to dreaded middle-age. You’ll love beer, hate, but also love, your kids, want your wife to be sexy, but don’t care what you look like and so on. Clever clogs KingStar has created a funny soundboard using Homer’s singing antics in the show. It will definitely brighten up your weekend.

To make a big fire you take:
1. lots of dry wood
2. a couple of gallons gas
3. 1 match
And about 10 meters distance; if not, you will get something like this......
Note to self: Large bonfires with over 1 ton of dry wood do not need 5 gallons of gas to ignite.

If you like your webcam chicks you will probably be found on MSN. The chat favorite for all underage girls pretending to be 18 and all 45 year old pedofiles prentending to be 15. Microsoft has just released a new version. MSN 7.0 is out now. There are many fun things to be found in the new MSN. Winks. Moods. And. You can login as online, avoiding that irritating arsehole that jumps on your arse as soon as you login. Problems with 7.0 are not uncommon either. More ads (search google for patches to get rid of them), blocking of a huge amount of file extentions due to their security risk (uhh, MS I think I am old enough to decide that for myself, get the patch for this at mess.be). And the other annoying thing is that you have to pay for a lot of these Winks and Moods. Not any more. Go crazy guys. A Readme guide.

From the people that brought you Knights of the Old Republic comes the best rpg i have played in many years! Jade Empire is a magical martial arts romp that goes from good to down right fucking awesome the more you play it. If you own an xbox, get this game even if your not a fan of rpg's you'll love it!
If you dont own an xbox bang your head on the desk a few times, then go and buy one you fucking mummas boy!

Valve updated Steam with the release of the three Half-Life 2 DeathMatch maps which won the community mapping contest, plus released a quick Source update also:

Three Half-Life 2: Deathmatch maps are now available via Steam. These maps were created by the three players who won our recent HL2:DM mapping contest. If you have HL2:DM installed in your Steam games list, you will receive the new maps automatically.

The new maps are:

Winner: dm_underpass by Scott M Jordan, USA
1st Runner Up: dm_resistance* by Jonathan Linker, Germany
2nd Runner Up: dm_powerhouse by Michael Schulz, Germany

This release also includes a Counter-Strike: Source update which fixes incorrect player names appearing in the scoreboard.

Just restart Steam to snag the latest update.

Elle Macpherson used to be know as The Body. Lovely girl with all the right shapes. Too bad she’s no longer wiggling her ass on the catwalk, but she is still posing for a paparazzi photographer with a crappy camera. photo 1, photo 2, photo 3, photo 4, photo 5, photo 6, photo 7, photo 8, photo 9, photo 10, photo 11 and photo 12. The Ultimate MILF?

Shane Gnatek, 18-years-old, was one of about 30 youths attending a weekly activity Tuesday night, in a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints building. Police say Gnatek was running in a hallway when he fell on the stick he was carrying, stabbing himself in the groin.

Bronx teen gang stabs machete into heart of boy who they mistakenly thought ate lunch with one of their girlfriends
New York - ...The gang initially attacked Fernando Ramales, 16, whom police believe was the intended target because he had dared to eat lunch with one of the gang's girlfriends at John F. Kennedy High School on Monday, law enforcement sources said.

Well, at least you would have thought so if you were in the Melbourne suburb of Collingwood last Thursday morning.

The exercise, Operation High Line, took place near Wellington Street, Collingwood, between April 4 and 8 and involved Victoria Police, Australian Defence Force personnel and other agencies.

The exercise's "deployment phase" took place from midnight to 9am (AEST) on Thursday, April 7, which Yarra City councillor Stephen Jolly said terrified residents and damaged property.

Perhaps more time should have been spent alerting the locals instead of worrying about blowing shit up in the streets. I wonder who is going to clean up the asbestos they dislodged in the process...???

Raping someone doesn’t make you cool or big. It makes you a fucking low-life. Unfortunately there are still plenty of low-lifes out there that prey on woman. In some countries raping someone and getting caught will get you the noose or blade. In others it will get you 120 hours of community service and a slap on the wrist. Time to take matters into you own hands ladies. If you say no and the guy still will not listen, make him feel the pain.

Britney is having a baby!!
Check out her new website.

Beer.com has gone and done it again. This time with twice as many bartenders.

Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly burns any clothes that his children leave lying around.

His wife Maria Shriver has revealed how the California governor takes no nonsense at home, burning whatever his children fail to wash. Hello! magazine quotes her as saying: "He's strict about laundry. I go 'Arnold, you're running the state – don't worry about the laundry, but he will call me from the Capitol asking 'Have they done the laundry? If I come home and they haven't done the laundry, I'm telling you, there'll be no play dates'."

I guess you only do that if you have the money....

For some time now, two major LAN party organizers have been competing, to hold the title for the largest attended event in the world. “The Gathering”, which resides in the small town of Hamar, two hours from Oslo, Norway have been competing with the Sweden based DreamHack LAN who came out on top through last years events. During this Easter holiday, over 5,200 computer lovers packed themselves into their Olympic ice skating arena which was home for the 1994 winter Olympics.

Allowing all ages, sizes, groups, just about anyone who wishes to spend $100 for a 2.5 feet square table, power outlet and switch port for the entire 5 day computer frenzy. The organizers also stated they will not compete with DreamHack in the future as they believe 5,200 attendees are “enough”. Check out what the Norwegians get up to in their spare time!

A man walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal.
Another man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?".
Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help.
He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy.
Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot mate." The man says.
"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your cock?"
Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but Im sure as hell not gonna touch it!"

Just when you thought you knew everything you are served with the fact that you can do much more with your Coke.

Google co-founder Larry Page has announced that the company wants the public to send in its homemade videos - and he doesn't mind how mucky they are.

"There might be an adult section, or something like that. I don't think that is going to be a big issue," Page told attendees at the National Cable and Telecommunications Show in San Francisco on Monday, where he was speaking on a panel.

Apparently, sexy video model Vida Guerra is the latest person to have their T-Mobile pager hacked into. And boy does she like to take pictures of her own goodies. She reveals a lot in her photo shoots, but she shows so much more in these phone pictures.

Update: Some FHM photos: One, two, three, four, five and six.

Word from 3D Avenue is that Midway's NARC has been banned in Australia:

Red Ant has today announced that NARC scheduled for release on PS2 has been banned from distribution in Australia. While details are scarce as the OFLC has not released its compulsory report as to why, we are guessing the drug usage in the game pushed it over the line and resulted in the 6-1 vote. With such a majority it is unlikely an appeal would be succesful and upon contact, Red Ant confirmed it was unlikely to do so.

The readers of "Don't Spit Swallow" have shared their joy at swallowing cum. Here 50 of them share their feelings about the joy of swallowing cum.

Actress Fran Drescher is such a huge fan of oral sex, she once took lessons to improve on her skills.

The brunette screen star admits that the size of a man's penis is very important to her - as is the way she treats it.

She says, "I've always prided myself on the fact that I never really judged a man by the size of his wallet. Much more important for me (is) the size of his (penis). That's the first thing my girlfriends and I ask each other: 'Was it at least normal?'

"We had a girls' night where we invited this woman who's like a BJ lecturer and she teaches you how to do this.

The former winner of a Miss Cleavage contest battered a pal after seeing her newly boosted boobs. Kerry McCormack, 22, launched a vicious attack that left Hayley Marsden scarred for life.

The assault happened in a nightclub as Hayley, also 22, showed off her new curves. McCormack smashed her childhood best friend's cheek and eye socket, hitting Hayley so hard she broke her knuckle.

McCormack won a newspaper's Miss Cleavage contest in 2001.

First we went to McDonald's, then we headed for Hungry Jacks. We made a quick stop at the Pizza Hut. And on our way home we ordered some extra hamburgers to be delivered to our door. But at that time the four of us were so hot, we couldn't wait to peel of our clothes and do what what we like best. Yes, we had an orgy.

It's a strange world. First World Wide Red Light District boss David Joseph has been distribiuted the stolen sextape of Paris Hilton. Now, Mordechi Kattan is trying to earn a decent living in doing exactly the same as David. David is not amused and has filed an infringement lawsuit against him.....strange: filling a lawsuit on something you don't even own!

And you thought your parents are a bunch of wankers that don’t understand what it is like to be a cool, hip, gangsta loving teenager. Even your parents did not have to go without their dose of cool music vids when they were young and happening. And guess what. All those gangsta videos full of biatches you see now too looked to videos such as this for inspiration. Or how not to do it I guess.

Any person with an internet connection knows the ugly Burger King chicken that will do whatever you tell him to. Now, I guess that nobody has anything serious to ask a chicken. The tables turn when you can ask people with power, even better is to ask dumb people with power like the clowns Bush and Blair. Just a little hint, tell Blair the word Bush.

Wouldn't it be great if your girlfriend wanted to arrange a threesome for your birthday? That's precisely what Amy Anderson thought as she placed a personal ad on lavalife.com. "I wanted to give him the best birthday ever, so I explained what I was looking for in the ad: sexy, no strings and eager to please me and my boyfriend. Al had been begging me to let one of my friend's romp with us, but it didn't feel right. I wanted a complete stranger."
That complete stranger, however, didn't quite turn out as expected. "I got several emails, but the one that sounded best was from 'Kelly'. In the email, Kelly said she would serve us as we pleased and sit out on the sidelines and coo encouraging words into our ears if we wanted."

Amy, with little time to plan her boyfriend's 25th birthday celebration, gave Kelly the buzzer code and left the door unlocked on the big day. "I had told Kelly to be here for 7, as I expected Al to be home shortly after and I wanted him to see us in the act, surprising him."

Here's what happened.

The Papal Throne once again lies vacant...
Do you have what it takes to do the job?
The Position is open... your destiny awaits!

Now is your chance to Be the Pope. But do take a look at the job requirements and the benefits and perks of the job before you fill in your job application.

5,900 of those dirty rotten Warcraft 3 cheaters have been banned by Blizzard:

A number of additional accounts and CD keys have been tied to the use of a hack or cheat program while playing Warcraft III on Battle.net. In keeping with our aggressive stance against cheating, we have permanently closed 5,900 Warcraft III accounts. 2,300 of the Warcraft III CD keys used with the now-closed accounts have been banned from ladder play for one month, and 500 more have been banned from ladder play permanently. Repeat offenders risk having their CD keys disabled, which will result in the permanent removal of their copies of Warcraft III from Battle.net. We will continue to monitor Battle.net for cheating and take action as needed.

Leoncie began her musical studies at the very early age of 5. Her father being a professional musician began teaching her to read, write and play classical and jazz music. The Piano, to be followed shortly after by her studies with the Trinity College of Music-London. As she grew a bit older, Leoncie started playing the electric organ and singing in the Catholic church choir in India for all the masses and weddings etc......

Pope John Paul II is being reborn in a Colombian comic book as a superhero battling evil with an anti-Devil cape and special chastity pants.

The first episode of the Incredible Popeman is about to go on sale in Colombia and shows the late Polish pontiff meeting comic book legends such as Batman and Superman to learn how to use superpowers to battle Satan.

"The Pope was a real-life superhero, of flesh and blood," said Colombian artist Rodolfo Leon, a non-practising Catholic who has been working on the comic book for about a year.

Why do all those people see nothing but good things about the Pope? He has also said people should not use condoms to protect themselves from diseases, causing aids to be an even bigger problem and resulting in overpopulation in places where is there is too little food at this moment....

Tired of the lunchtime greasy kfc burger (like i had at lunch time) with the bullshit drive through routine? Looking to expand your culinary sophistication without leaving the office? Look no further than the Fundue™ - the World's first desktop USB fondue set. With features like an LCD display, blue LED glowing heater element and fireglow USB cables you'll be the MacDaddiest, most svelte lemming in the office come lunchtime.

Sure, you'll be sucking precious energy from your computer's power supply that your motherboard might need, but who cares when you are also sucking on a piece of crusty french bread drenched in a nutty Gruyere!

Iraq has been out of the news the last week or so. You know, with the Pope dying and all. This doesn’t mean that nothing has been happening in the first real democratic country in the Middle East. The Abu Graibh prison was attacked, some more journalists were taken hostage and someone lost his head. Now, these are graphic images. Watch at your own risk and if you do watch don’t come bitching to us about it afterwards. Iraq is on the road to recovery. Problem is that the road is littered with landmines and body parts.

=)

What if the Numa Numa guy was on American Idol?

No. Read you dumbasses. Not Terri Schiavo from Don’t Feed The Bird fame, but hot Italian model Terry Schiavo. Just look at those eyes burn into your mind and telling you to click on. To her wallpapers or photos for example. Mama Mia!

Pope John Paul II, the third longest-serving pontiff in history, has died aged 84. The BBC and other news outlets report death was due to kidney and heart failure:

"The Holy Father died this evening at 2137 in his private apartment," a brief Vatican statement said. His death was immediately announced to the crowds gathered on St Peter's Square, and was met with long applause, an Italian sign of respect.

Bells tolled across the city of Rome and many people wept openly.

"Our Holy Father John Paul has returned to the house of the Father," senior Vatican official Archbishop Leonardo Sandri said.

In the Pope's native Poland, people fell to their knees and wept as the news reached them.

Although an atheist, it is hard to deny his positive impact on world affairs over the years - R.I.P.

On a sad note (or happy, dependong on your point of view), Valve's Gabe Newell has left Valve to pursue his career as the frontman to a Grateful Dead cover band:

Today we're proud to bring you the exclusive story which will change the future of the Half-Life series. Gabe Newell, managing director at Valve Software, has given us the scoop on his move from gaming to the music industry. Finishing up at Valve last week, Gabe has started touring full-time with his 3 piece folk-rock band, Left of the Dealer.

When asked about the change, Gabe let us know that "it wasn't because of any conflicts at Valve -- they're a great team. And don't get me wrong, I love making games. But there's a ton of creativity I'm just not able to express unless I'm with my guitar."

Lil Kim found guilty of perjury faces up to 20 years!
This is awesome news for people who hate bad music. Lil Kim sucks the big one.
Thanks Tim!