do you really care ..

July 12, 2006
Hilton - Paris (25) was killed last night in an unfortunate kitchen
accident, when she curiously attempted to cook her own food after
several attempts to find one of the black people that normally does it
for her.
Hilton was the heiress to the renowned Hilton hotel empire founded by
her great grandfather, Conrad Hilton. She will be sorely missed by her
parents, Rick and Kathy, sister, Nicky, and her Chihuahua, Tinkerbell.
Hilton gained her own notoriety with the public as, let's say, a
model? Sort of? Well... ok, I guess she was more like an actress. I
mean she had a TV show for a while, although I heard it sucked. And
there was rumor of her making an album, I think.
Fine, so she was slut! But she was a really rich slut, with supple
pink lips and a remarkably even tan. You think that shit grows on
trees? No, it doesn't. The severity of this kind of loss will not go
unfelt.

And more like this on future obituaries.