do you really care ..

It's just one more day and we have arrived at April 1st. The day you can fool people. Have you thought of something yet? Maybe you can get some inspiration out of this list: Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time.

If you don’t know who Paris Hilton is by now you have either just arrived from another galaxy or have only just discovered that their is a life besides being in the church choir. We have seen Paris naked, half-naked and in plenty of other stages of undress, but it is still funny as fuck to see what she comes up with next. This time Paris shows us her tribute to that female phenomenon called The Camel Toe. What must her daddy think?

Our Japanese friends will know what ketsu means. For those of you that don’t. Ketsu = Arse in Japanese. And a right royal kicking up the arse is what this karate teacher gives his students. Anyone pressing assault charges or is this what you pay tuition fees for in Japan? How long before a guy like that would get shot in the US?

Anybody here heard of German technoband Scooter. No. Well, count yourself lucky. Their beats are OK, but their lyrics are worse than finding out that that $10 crack whore won’t take it up the arse. Talking of arse. Kylie Minogue must have one of the finest specimens out there. Some clever folks have mashed Kylie’s comeback hit Can’t Get You Out Of My Bed and Scooter’s latest attempt I Feel Hardcore into a video that you can all enjoy over and over and over and over.

We all know the annoying late night TV ads about “great” products who are not available in stores. Unbelievable people are still falling for that shit. The worst thing about these ads are the speakers who just won’t shut up. They are just going on and on about there shitty products. Well that’s all going to change, because now there’s Libarotor!! The first home shopping ads who are funny as fuck. For example have a look at this video. You can find the rest under See our Movies. Don’t forget to check out the models section also!

Ever wondered why pussy smells like fish? Blame the Japanese!

Word out of Valve today is that all you cheating mofos should uninstall your hacks immediately, as the Valve Anti-Cheat system for the Source engine will enter into beta testing next week:

Next week we'll begin beta testing the new Valve Anti-Cheat system. For people playing multiplayer games, there will not be any visible difference while we're conducting the beta, but we will be logging cheating violations into our database to make sure it's ready for general release. This will be the last public notice before the system is released and active for everyone.

If you have any cheats for multiplayer games installed on your computer, now would be a good time to uninstall and stop using them. When a cheat infraction is detected, the offender will be permanently banned from playing on secure servers.

In lighter news, work is progressing on Lost Coast, that is the level we've built to showcase a new piece of rendering technology coming to Source called High Dynamic Range lighting. Valve's Doug Lombardi will be showing the level on G4 TV next Wednesday, March 30th.

A couple of Steam updates were also released:

Counter-Strike: Source

• Fixed crash when turning on the budget panel in Counter-Strike: Source.

Source Engine


• Fixed exploit that would allow clients to spawn large numbers of temporary entities on clients, causing a crash.
  

Myranda Didovic (22yrs old) was constipated for little over a week due to I.B.S when this scene was recorded.

Meet. Henry Earl.
At the moment he is in jail. He has been arrested well over 900 times and for one thing only: Alcoholic Toxation.

It was the most revealing day yet of the Michael Jackson molestation trial.

Jurors saw explicit pictorials Wednesday from everything from Barely Legal to Over 50 as prosecutors shared more of their X-rated haul from the 2003 raid on Jackson's bedroom at Neverland Ranch.

The peep show was relentless so that Jackson's seventysomething mother, Katherine, took to covering her eyes, Court TV said.

Other titles screened for jurors and courtroom observers: Plumpers, Juggs and the troika of Barely Legal, Just Legal and Finally Legal. Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler were there, too.

So many bodies--clothed, unclothed, barely clothed--were shown that famous ones seemed bound to turn up, and they did. Pictures of Macaulay Culkin, a longtime Jackson friend, Marilyn Monroe and Bo Derek were shown, reports said. The Monroe and Derek shots were nudes; the Culkin was a straight-ahead portrait.

So is Michael normal after all?

Word from Planet Half-Life is that Valve will be showing off HDR (high dynamic range) lighting technology as well as "The Lost Coast" which I assume will be a commercial Steam download next week on G4TV:

On Wednesday's show, Valve's Doug Lombardi will give an exclusive demonstration of the previously unseen "The Lost Coast," an upcoming expansion that utilizes a brand-new technology that Valve is implementing into the Source engine. Called "high-dynamic range lighting," this new technology enables a leap in lighting realism from even the current high benchmark set by Half-Life 2 and the existing Source engine.

Show times, etc are listed here.

Some fuckhead came into work today smelling like week old dog shit and sold us a 20gig and a 60 gig laptop harddisk for $30!
I would have paid at least $100. Dont forget kids, drugs make your brains all mushy mushy!

The Oxford Bottled Beer Database is a constantly growing resource for beer lovers worldwide. There are currently 2295 beers listed, from 69 different countries. We aim to provide tasting notes, factual information about the beers and photographs.

Do you have a favorite beer?

Making shitty music no one likes isn't enough. No one will buy his records and now the world knows he has a small penis so he's taking it out on the world. Fred "Needle Dick" Durst is suing Horny Ferret.

Police arrested an Abbeville man Saturday who is suspected of having walked into a convenience store growling with a sword clenched between his teeth to rob the place of a can of tobacco and a bottle of whiskey.
That man, believed to be Doucet, walked behind the counter, grabbed a can of tobacco and a bottle of whiskey -- while continuing to growl -- and left without a word.
"He was like a pirate. If he had been wearing a patch and a hat on his head and a parrot, she (the clerk) would have thought he was a pirate," Hebert said.
"There was some extremely abnormal behavior."

Coventry's most famous woman is to get the Chaplin treatment.

Kiera Chaplin, 22, granddaughter of iconic actor Charlie, is hoping to forge a film career of her own, with the help of the title role in the first movie about Lady Godiva since the 1960s.

Shooting for Lady Godiva: Back in the Saddle - described by co-producer Dennis Timothy as "a romp in the Full Monty tradition" - is due to start in the summer, with the picture scheduled for release in 2006.

Some of the planned filming locations include Coventry's Memorial Park, the city hall and Warwick Castle.

What to do when you have a roommate who insists on singing in the shower, but whose singing qualities qualify him as a first round drop-out at a talent contest. That’s right, you shoot the shit out of him with a painball gun while he is in the shower.

The Trial Of The Century. The Trial Of The Millenium. Call it what you will. One thing is for sure, whether MJ gets found guilty or not, his life will never ever be the same again. I know you shouldn’t enjoy other people’s misery, especially as it seems more and more likely that they are being fleeced by money hungry she-devils, but I am sure that God will punish me for it. Whacko Jacko did not get his nickname without good reason. It would therefore be no surprise if he took the .45-Caliber way out. You can get up to date info on how close MJ is to that 300 foot drop into the ocean at Jacko Suicide Watch. And if you fancy a gamble on the event taking place I am sure there are some online bookies that are willing to give you the right odds.

Durex is well-known for its condoms, but it has also stepped into the self-pleasuring market with several buzzy products. For one such product they have made a funny commercial on a trusty theme. Next grandma will be using it to brush her teeth with.

All you King of Pop fans out there, Do Not Worry. Should Whacko fucking Jacko get found guilty and go off to spend some time with Scotty Peterson in San Quentin, his replacement has already been found. MJ’s long lost brother??? Frank Ejara has even made a teaser tape for you all to enjoy. Ooh he’s bad.

Christina Aguilera's been axed from a fashion label after slating celebs who push their own clothing ranges. The singer was due to launch her own line with company Basic Box, but her multi-million contract was terminated after she called celebrity lines "tacky".

Probably for the best, considering Christina Aguilera's strange taste in everything. Her clothing line would've probably been something along the lines of an eye patch and pirate hat. With a talking parrot. And treasure. Argggh! I'm a pirate!

And for no good reason, here's a gallery of Christina Aguilera looking terrible with black hair. Unfortunately for her, only Black people and Asians can pull off having black hair. White people just end up looking like goths which, unless you're an idiot, is a bad thing.

What would the world be like if all webcams had to be destroyed? What was the world like before webcams were invented?

Rockstar proudly presents Beaterator - a groundbreaking new Flash-based music sequencer, sampler and mixer built to work right in your browser.

Continuing in the tradition of Rockstar's celebrations of artistic endeavor on the web, such as Upload and 2001's Rhymerator, Beaterator gives anyone with an internet connection and Macromedia Flash the ability to craft advanced, original beats... and walk away with them as mp3s.

Check it out here.

State Attorney Harry Shorstein said Wednesday that excessive force may have been used by police officers who used a stun gun on a 65-Pound, 13-year-old girl who was being uncooperative after they took her into custody for fighting with her mother.

The 65-pound girl was handcuffed in the back of a patrol car Feb. 7 when she was shocked twice with a 50,000-volt Taser, according to a Sheriff's Office report. Police departments in Florida and nationwide have been criticized for their use of Taser guns, which some say have caused deaths.

The 21-year-old winner of a competition to drink the most tequila died Monday and three other contestants were gravely ill in the hospital, officials said.

Ricardo Garcia drank more than 50 shots of tequila Sunday night at a Santo Domingo disco to win the prize worth $400 Cdn at a Mexican night celebration.

But he was taken ill, hospitalized and died within hours, apparently from heart failure brought on by alcohol poisoning, said public prosecutor Jose Hernandez Peguero.

The way I like my tequila? Like this.

How high is your sex-iq? Take the SAT - Sex Aptitude Test to find out. One of the questions is this one:

David has a 12 ounce bottle of Astroglide and a 3 ounce bottle of
Anal-Eze. He masturbates 5 times a day, and each time he uses .25 ounces of
Astroglide. He also has anal sex once a week, using .25 ounces of Anal-Eze.
Which of the following is true?
a) he will run out of Astroglide first
b) he will run out of Anal-Eze first
c) he will run out of Astroglide and Anal-Eze at the same time
d) none of the above

A man who was too scared to commit suicide instead took out a contract on his own life - but the two men who were paid to do the job failed in their attempt to kill him, police say.

The man, 30, knew the two young men and paid them $5000 each to kill him. Police said he told the men, both 18, he wanted to kill himself but feared he would botch the job. His plan was to take sleeping tablets, then if he was still alive 10 minutes later his paid assistants were to beat him to death with an iron bar.

The Full Official Keyra Video! The most wanted ass of the net!

It has been revealed that Seth Kleinberg, Executive Editor of Game-Over.net, was arrested last April's as part of Operation Fastlink, "an aggressive enforcement action undertaken against organizations involved in illegal intellectual property piracy over the Internet," due to his involvement in the warez scene.

Update: A Seattle Post-Intelligencer story reveals that Kleinberg was actively cracking the copy protection of software, and faces 5-6 years in prison for his crimes.

The good people at Gamespy uncovered the "guts" of the Xbox Next. Here are a few interesting bits:

CPU - Xenon's CPU has three 3.0 GHz PowerPC cores. Each core is capable of two instructions per cycle and has an L1 cache with 32 KB for data and 32 KB for instructions. The three cores share 1 MB of L2 cache. Alpha 2 developer kits currently have two cores instead of three.
GPU - Xenon's GPU is a generation beyond the ATI X800. Its clock speed is 500 MHz and it supports Shader 3.0. Developers are currently working with an alpha 2 GPU. Beta GPU units are expected by May and the final GPU is slated for a summer release. The final GPU will be more powerful than anything on the market today; in game terms, it would handle a game like Half-Life 2 with ease.
System Memory - Xenon will have 256 MB of system RAM. Keep in mind that this number should not be equated to typical PC RAM. The Xbox has 64 MB of system RAM and is a very capable machine.

How about this clip. Some guy hits his girlfriend. The girl then literally kicks the crap out of her boyfriend.

A total of 47 surfers set an unofficial world record at the Gold Coast on Saturday when they rode what is believed to be the world's longest surfboard.

The 40-foot (12.19 metres) monster craft was crafted by renowned Gold Coast shaper Nev Hyman and was a replica of the normal-sized board used by World Championship Tour surfer Dan Wills.

Thousands of spectators crowded the beach and seafront around Snapper Rocks to see more than 30 people carry the craft to the water's edge before it was towed into the surf by a jet-ski.

You wonder what your name looks like in Chinese? Go to Japoname and check it out.

What? Japoname....Chinese characters? Isn't that a bit strange or confusing?

Thanks attu

If only the easter bunny did look like this..

'My girlfriend has been going on and on for months about how super impressed she is with her super smart, handsome, rich, ivy league educated married boss. Whatever. It did not matter until she told me they fucked in Las Vegas last month during a business trip. Her digital camera also had 30 or so shots of them naked in the hotel room in various sex acts appearing very drunk and happy. I found the disc last week and she admitted what happened.'
Great story of a guy getting revenge on his ex girlfriend.

What a fucked up week! Havent had time to scratch my ass.
Anyway, here is an update. Now fuck off ;)